Lift riders, be on the lookout. Not everyone knows the basic rules of elevator etiquette that we all should have learned after a few weeks of experience. Those of us working or living in buildings with elevators are in serious danger of falling victim to the following infractions by others. This is just one in a series of rules by which to live.

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Don’t be Nice at Someone Else’s Expense

This is one of those tricky situations where you may think you’re doing a nice thing, but in fact, you’re being rude.

As you get into the elevator, you notice that someone else is making his or her way to the door but will not make it in time. So you either put your hand over the door to block it from closing, or hit the Open Door button inside the elevator, allowing the other person to get in with you.

If you are the only other person in the elevator, this is a kind gesture. Certainly not required, particularly if the person coming toward the door is either far away or not making any effort to rush. But nice, all the same. The problem comes when there are other people in the elevator already, waiting to get to their floor. In essence, you are making a decision for all of them to be nice to this outside person, an assumption that they would be willing to perform the same unnecessary but kind act themselves. And that, my good readers, is a rude assumption.

People disagree with me on this, but I say that forcing someone else to be courteous against his or her will is itself a selfish and uncourteous act.

Ask yourself this question, and answer it honestly: Why are you holding this door? Is it for the other person, or for you? Are you trying to impress the cute girl from the 6th floor? Would you be as likely to do the same for the ugly guy who bumped into you last week and didn’t apologize? Does your kind act make up for something rude you did the night before about which you’re now feeling guilty? Whatever your reasons may be, they are your reasons, not everyone else’s.

The degree of wrongdoing here increases as you factor in how many people are being held up, how far away the approaching person is, how fast he or she is walking towards the door, and thus how many seconds of precious time you are taking away from each of the people inside. Go ahead and laugh, if you like, but when you add up all those seconds you steal from other people every day, we’re talking about hours—even days—by the end of a lifetime. How would you feel if we all asked for that time back at the end of your life?

A very simple rule applies to this situation, as it does for all acts of courtesy: Do the action which will serve best the common good before the individual. If holding a door hurts more people than it helps, then let it close. Another elevator will be along soon enough.